His Grace After the Busyness

Recently I’ve been remembering my attitude this past summer and all I can ask myself is “Why was I such a jerk?”

Why was I so hesitant to put everything aside. My busyness. My feeling of being somewhat important. I’m ashamed now to admit that I was dreading having nothing to do. No volunteer work. No mommy visits. An empty calendar.  Being busy makes us feel important. It use to make me feel important and valuable. So many times we wave our busy lives around like a flag of honor and pride. “I’ve been so busy” “I don’t have time for anything I’m just so busy” How many times have we heard these words from so many people as if being busy gives our lives value but in reality a life well spent is making every moment a time to value. The first lesson I’ve learned is: I should be spending my time doing something of real value with and for my family and eternal value for God. I was so selfish when all He wanted was to be with me. I still can’t completely wrap my mind around this: The Grand Creator of Everything just wanted to be with ME. Now I really feel important.  I wouldn’t trade these last 3 months in God’s presence for anything. The more we get to taste of His goodness and love the more we crave. A thirst only He can satisfy. The second lesson I’ve learned is: When God asks something of you woman…just do it! No whining. No analyzing. He only wants good things for you to bless you and bring the dead parts of you to life! That I may have life and life more abundantly. (John 10:10 NKJV)

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ….when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11-14

What parts of your life is He bringing back to life?

Learning and Leaning

It was the first morning of back to school. I was giddy and excited at the thought of having a whole three hours to myself but what was I going to do for those three hours? The mall stores don’t open for another 2 hours. Hey Walmart is open 24 hours. Nah I’ll just spend money on stuff I don’t really need. I could dive into the abyss of internet searching and get swallowed up for 3 hours (because that’s what happens when I start looking up articles and reading) OK this is not what God meant by taking a season of rest. He meant Rest in me. So I took out my devotional book and bible and soaked in His word and sat there in still silence. I listened and listened. I did not hear anything that morning but I felt Him shower me with His love. I felt His peace surround me. I could feel His presence all around me. As I began to worship I could feel every ounce of me touching Heaven. My heart felt like it was growing inside my chest. Just like that scene in ‘The Grinch Who Stole Christmas’ when his heart grew 3 sizes that day.

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 1 Kings 19:11-12

God is always speaking to us and sometimes not the way we expect or think. In this verse we see He could have spoken to Elijah very powerfully in those events that took place but He chose to speak to him in a gentle whisper. That morning He was speaking to me…ever so gently with a whisper that said “I’m here”.

Be Still

This week I intended to write about the healthy ways we grieve and the beauty of using our emotions for healing but I just could not get the inspiration to get started. This will come around another time I suppose. When I began this blog I had every intention of giving it to the Holy Spirit and letting him guide me on what to write and when to write it. This week he has been tugging at my heart about being still.

Be still and know that I am God  -Psalm 46:10

For the last couple of years I have been a volunteer ESL teacher (English as a second language) I loved every minute of it. I got to meet people from all over the world and I fell in love with each and every one of them. As May rolled around this year I started to pray and ask the Lord for guidance to show me what He wanted me to do during the summer months and for the rest of the year. Well to my deepest surprise I kept hearing that still small voice (1 Kings 19:12) saying “nothing”. Uh Oh that can’t mean what I think that means… give up my teaching? Close the door to my students? Sit at home and be useless. (notice how all these thoughts are about me) I was in complete denial until we had a woman’s gathering at my church. Our sweet guest speaker talked about:  You Guessed It! A season in her life in which God called her to do Nothing. Ahhhh! There was my confirmation but thank God for that encounter. She shared how she needed to be busy (just like I felt) and how difficult it was to Be Still yet it brought her so much closer to our Heavenly Father and how much she treasures that year. I left with peace that day knowing this was going to be my season of peace and that I would make the most of every moment.

In my next post I will continue sharing about this journey I am currently on…..

From Victim to Victory

Without pain, loss, grieving in other words “death” there can be no Resurrection.

Have you ever experienced any “terrible” circumstances that actually turned out to be a rich blessing much later? I’d love to hear about it. Sometimes it is the loss of a job, a dream, a business, family member, friendship, etc. God’s word says He can turn bad for good:

You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good…. Genesis 50:20

I love this poem: Only God can turn a mess into a message

                             A test into a testimony

                             A trial into a triumph

                             A victim into a victory

 

As I shared my experience in my last post I realized my mess/trial was turned into a blessing much later. I learned how to forgive. Without forgiveness we can’t be forgiven and I don’t want to spend my life with a wedge between me and God because I held on to a pain only He could heal. I didn’t want to carry around that ball and chain for the rest of my life. Next week I will touch on grieving and sorrow and letting go. Even Jesus grieved. In our society we are quick to shove those feelings down deep and we never truly heal. Sometimes we medicate our hurts with TV, video games, addictions, shopping, eating, staying busy etc. I was guilty of “shopping” too much at one point in my life but the good news is we can find true healing and feel true freedom. Hey it’s not easy but this life isn’t easy either and it’s a much happier life to live in freedom and victory instead of as a victim.

 

When Grace Sweeps In

Have you ever gone through something really tough, life changing, and quite frankly unfair in your life? When I was 4 I was molested by a neighbor a trusted friend of my parents. I can admit it was confusing at the time I wasn’t quite sure what was happening or why. As children our coping mechanism sometimes is to pretend it didn’t happen and just keep on going. Life as usual I suppose. I remember being threatened by this person not to tell my parents or else he would hurt them. As a little person I fully believed this. How many of us know the enemy is such a liar? He instilled fear in me so I kept quite but this is where His sweet sweet grace swept in:  During this dark time in my life I saw Jesus face to face. I had an encounter with the One True God. One night there He was. He appeared in my room. I knew of Jesus from stories in church but how much do you really know at age 4? I for sure knew this was Jesus. He was so beautiful..surrounded by this glow (His glory I assume), I was so drawn to His kind face, His smile, He reached out His arms as if calling me in. I walked over to Him and He just held me in His warm embrace, caressed my hair and face. It was the warmest most comforting feeling that I can’t even explain. I felt like I was melting in His arms full of love for me and I didn’t want it to ever end. He never said any words to me but He didn’t have to. I knew right then and there that I would never be the same and that He was with me even through the darkness. Why did this happen to me? I have no idea. I don’t hold it against God. All I know is He was there and is still there for me. Through my trials and defeats His mercy never ends. The one thing I take away from this is: I was very vigilant with my girls. I kept an extra eye out for them and made sure to cover them in prayer that this may never happen to them. Know what? God was so faithful. They were never victims. If I had to go through what I did so they wouldn’t have to that is just fine by me. Isn’t that the heart of God? He let His son Jesus take all our punishment so we wouldn’t have to! Amazing!    Many years later I was talking with my Dad and started to share this encounter. His eyes got soooo big and he began to tell me that I would tell him as a little girl about this encounter and also talking with angels and he thought I was making it all up. This is tooo good to make up dad.

 “The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”’ Numbers 6:24-26

 

24 Hour Getaway

So what is a girl to do when her husband’s birthday is right around the corner and you are just not ready to leave your 4 yr old son. I’ll tell you what you do: You sneak away for just 24 hours to Shreveport, LA and talk your 3 daughters into taking shifts to watch your 4 yr old for FREE. Love that word. Drove from Dallas in just about 3 hours. Beautiful countrysides for the most part and just for the record we partied like rock stars! OK more like lounge singers. Yes we were in bed by 12:30am and not that I want to brag BUT we did hit 5 casinos in about 7 hours. Did I mention we played like big ballers too? Yup! Hubs put $5 in each slot machine and if we didn’t hit the big jackpot with that he would simply say “Let’s move on I don’t like that machine”. I’m not one to enjoy seeing my money sucked in by a shiny slot machine as it waves as if to say goodbye. At least it was Goodbye Abraham not Benjamin. I doubt I would take a trip out there again but at least I can say “Been there – Done that”

Now if only someone could answer this question for me: What is the deal with so many senior citizens in the casinos? What do they find so intriguing? Do they think they will hit the jackpot? Someone please tell me I’m dying to know!

On to the pics:

The Boardwalk

The River

Celebrating an Awesome Man

Today is my husband’s 40th birthday! Of course I want to honor him and mention just how much I love and appreciate him. A man who truly loves God and a man that God used to bring down my walls, melt my heart, show me God’s grace, and renew my faith in Love again. After my divorce I really did not see myself remarried. Firstly because my ex had pretty much convinced me that no one would or could love a mother with 3 kids (made sense at the time) and secondly I really had that wall pretty high up there but how many of us know nothing is impossible for God? Then comes Tavo….it’s really kinda funny. Here’s this guy that is totally the opposite of what I thought was “my type” rough around the edges and God knew he would grow to be totally my type and my everything. Never thought we would end up married (more about that in the future) but God’s redeeming grace stepped in once again and gave us undeniable signs that HE was bringing us together. Well I can’t say enough about a man that has put this family first, that has taken in and loved these girls of mine that aren’t biologically his and has provided for us without complaint. He will also be the first to admit that this isn’t what he had planned for his life either but that’s God for you. He turned my ashes into beauty (Isaiah 61:3) He truly did turn my mourning into Joy. HE used this beautiful man to restore a torn woman’s heart and I better stop here because I am now sitting in a puddle of tears and just want to run over and kiss him and thank him for not giving up on me and loving me and my girl unconditionally. Happy Birthday My Sweetheart!

 “ ….To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” Isaiah 61:3

God Sweetly Speaking

God speaks to us everyday all day, but do we hear Him? Sadly, I am guilty of moving so fast sometimes that I miss Him. Today I am re-focusing myself to hear him sweetly speaking to me and determined not to miss Him. You see when my son has a fever he say’s the craziest things. For example: Last night he woke up and said “Mommy tickle my pillow” !   What? I ignored this strange request and said “Sweety go back to sleep” he sounded a little upset and repeated himself. To which my inner self was saying wow I hope nobody finds out about this so I tickled the pillow and said “tickle tickle tickle”. Ya folks I went there!  and that was enough for my little guy he was content and fell right back to sleep. No questions asked. OK that was weird. This morning I was asking God what was that about? and I felt Him sweetly remind me that He has asked me to do things that have seemed crazy or odd to me and then I try to rationalize it. Wait! Did He really just ask me to do that? Does He really want me to give words of encouragement to that person or go talk to that guy I don’t even know? You want me to tell him what? No way that’s crazy, but when I faithfully listen and obey; God not only blesses me but also others and I bet I make God happy and proud. So go ahead tickle the pillow and be a blessing.

I encourage you to slow down and listen. Hear and receive what He is Sweetly saying to you.

I don’t know about you but I plan on having “a Jesus sandwich” for lunch today and receiving all He has for me. I hope you will too.

Pain & Loss = Sweet Surrender

Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brother’s. Can you imagine the betrayal and hurt that came with that? I can only begin to imagine what I would be thinking everyday working my butt off washing floors, doing hard manual labor all the while envisioning my brother’s living in freedom and happiness with MY father. Wow!! I doubt I would have reacted the way Joseph did. When his brother’s came to him for help he helped them and forgave ALL. What about the verse that says “And he wept aloud, and the Egyptians and the house of Pharaoh heard it.” Genesis 45:2  resonates with you? For me, it gives me a small glimpse into all the pain and hurt from the past that he felt and how he cried many times to work through his past to move forward with his future. Our emotions are good. They are for healing and full surrender to God’s purpose in our lives. Joseph understood that he needed to forgive the past and that God used his pain and rejections for a bigger purpose: to save many lives. (Genesis 45:4-7) We too can be like Joseph and bring all our grieving and pain before Him. We don’t need to minimize it or try to figure it all out.

Do you have a painful past that God has used for His Glory? I think healing for me is still happening. Just when I think I’ve completely healed God shows me other areas that need healing or release but I’m completely fine with it. My hope and desire is to grow to be more healthy: spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

His Sweet Refining Fire

Many of us struggle with obstacles that come into our lives. ex: divorce, rebellious child, past hurts, abuse, etc. As I’ve been really seeking Him and searching Him I’ve come to realize that regardless of the source whether an attack from the enemy or something God has allowed to appear in my life there is always A Victory! A Reward! after we pass through it. But we need to press on and pass through it. I encourage you to not get stuck in this place. Take all your hurts, issues and problems and just lay them on Him. God is not afraid, overwhelmed or surprised by what comes against us and neither does He expect us to just work it out ourselves. He says “I will never leave you nor forsake you”  When all is said and done if we allow ourselves with His help to pass through the Refining Fire with His grace, love, and presence we will come out looking more and more like Jesus. If you are in a struggle and don’t feel God is around or He has abandoned you..Worship!!!  Run after Him!!! You will most definitely find Him!

This morning I am calling out to Him and getting completely wrecked in His presence. Whew! It’s the best place to be!

I am dancing in His presence and letting go! I want to be like David when he was confronted by Michal for dancing and rejoicing in God’s presence:

“—I will celebrate before the Lord. ²² I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes.”  2 Samuel 6:21-22

Ready to dance? :  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GkBaXle3r4

IN YOUR GRACE I LOSE MYSELF

YOU’VE TURNED MY TEARS OF SADNESS INTO SUCH JOY AND GLADNESS

Hope you are dancing with me today and if I can pray for you let me know.